Everyday is Special

I am still going through the daily life of a woman on her own. I didn't know how different a year could be without the one human who made my world shine.

Last year, I curated an art exhibition that brought together some of the most amazing artists and throughout the Petaluma Arts Center, each artist shined together, in colors and stories. The most prominent colors were gold and a very vibrant pink. I didn’t know that until one day, walking in the main gallery and there was gold shining in most of the pieces. In the smaller gallery, shades of pinks lit the room, so unconsciously, these artists picked their own work for this exhibition, a cohesive design. In my art life, this was my highest achievement, making something from my own desire to featured such great humans.

We had an opening and that included music, The doRiaN Mode, a band my husband Bob played with on piano and horn. There was dancing in the gallery, laughter, joy. I wouldn’t have considered selecting anyone else to make this day so special. His musical talents covered the entire Bay Area with singers, combos, bands, orchestra, and the weekly gigs at 55+ facilities. I witness his solo gigs in memory care places, bringing the quiet souls back to memories because music never fades even in memory loss.

I miss him everyday. Bob was so many things to so many people: graceful, kind, funny, inspiring, intelligent, and the best pal to those who spent time with him: he made all of us better. I want to live better without that sweet human, but getting the tools for this new life chapter is simply daunting, a daily practice of grief.

My friend Rena Charles revived my creative life by encouraging me back to jewelry. It gave me days of concentrated creative work. I am back to my Saturday farmers market at Luther Burbank Center for the Arts, I am participating in future holiday fairs, I have a large commission to create an outdoor sculpture for a garden. I am making art to live, make my income, to stay vibrant and moving. Your are my inspiration.

But the sad days rise in me and I am again lost and longing for my old life. Love has its losses.

Today is special because I can talk about this grief for the first time with you. I was missing the work and feel inspired to create new sculptures as well as my jewelry designs. I need this creative work to survive and to feel alive again.

In September, a final chapter to saying goodbye to my husband is a family Celebration of Life. This will be bittersweet and joy all at the same time. Our families are coming from all over, and many friends, musicians and chosen family are coming together to celebrate this special human. Some how I forgot that Bob wasn’t just mine, but the collective experience Bob had from a life well lived. So many humans who played and worked with Bob miss him almost as much as his family. So we will celebrate and cry and laugh in remembrance of a human who mattered so much to many.

Thanks for listening, grief is not a stranger to us, but it is a reminder that everyday is special. Cherish the moments.

Love to you, Denise